Happy Friday everybody! I’m so excited to have finally made it to this glorious three-day weekend. But before we enter this blissful wonderfulness, I have something special for y’all today! Instead of hearing from me, Roman will be writing today! Yaaay!! So without further ado, here’s Roman!
First I’d like to thank each one of you for making this blog what it is. It’s grown tremendously and has developed into something more than we initially intended. And it’s great. We love it. We love you. So again, I say thank you.
My goal is to contribute more to the blog. After all, it is Life the Casterlines. Plural, as in me too.
My life’s motto, I’ll admit, sounds very cliché: Everything happens for a reason.
I hold on to this phrase because it gets me through things. It allows me to know that no matter what, His plan for me is better than anything I could imagine.
One recent example of this was our move to Columbus. We had to walk out our faith like never before: Quit our jobs. Move to a new city. Empty our savings. These are things we guard closely yet God wanted us to give them all to Him, unwavering and unashamed. And He was faithful, as always. You can read about this in more detail by reading Part One and Part Two of the story.
Our move to Columbus was one of the times my faith has gotten me through. The most recent is our infertility struggle.
The Monday night after we received the results from the specialist we sat down on the couch and discussed our feelings, options and direction. I knew what I felt and I knew what I wanted to do. But how can you tell a woman who has been waiting for over 2 years just to wait longer? I didn’t have the words or courage to speak my heart. So I listened and agreed.
Later that week Sarah went with a friend to a ladies’ event at church, so my friend Meiko and I went out to eat. As usual, we engaged in great conversation. Except this dialogue went a little deeper. This exchange cut to the heart. He asked tough questions and I responded with my perspective. And he countered with honesty. The kind of honesty that sometimes hurts to hear but needed, nevertheless.
He helped me realize my position. He pointed out my faith. He showed me my shortcomings and where I should stand.
You see, I had this hope, this faith throughout this whole struggle that God will take care of us. That God must not want us to have a child right now, for whatever reason. Because, you remember, His plan is better than mine. And I would rather be in His perfect will than anything else.
But my fault was that I didn’t express this faith with my wife who so desperately needed to hear it. Sure, I would mention it in conversation, in passing, but she needed more than that. I needed to step up and be the spiritual leader of my house. I needed to stand firm in my faith.
I had the faith all along. But I was holding it inside. My wife needed to see, needed to hear me living that faith out.
People, it’s hard to be stand strong when your wife is hurting, especially when she’s been hurting for the same reason for such a long period of time. I am a fixer (as are most guys I’ve encountered). I want to be able to hear the problem, see the solution, fix the situation and move on. But I couldn’t. There was nothing I could do or say that would make us conceive. I had hope. I had faith. But was that enough?
It should have been.
The night before my dinner with Meiko, the Lord revealed to Sarah what He had been speaking to me all along. My faith was confirmed, but she should have heard it from me first. During that evening heart-to-heart with Meiko, I decided not to let my faith take a backseat to emotions any longer.
I know that He wants Sarah to carry a child to term. I know that He wants her to experience the miracle of delivering a healthy baby. I also feel that adoption is an option for us, but only after we have 2 children.
These are things God has told me, in one way or another. And these are the things I’m holding on to.
The doctor gave us only a 5% chance of having children, but my God works miracles with 0% chances.
My faith is all I need because He is faithful.
What challenges seem to hit your faith the hardest? How do you stand firm in your faith? Also, what other topics would you guys like me to post about?