Waiting My Life Away

All my life I have been waiting. When I was a child I couldn’t wait to be a big kid who could go to the buffet at Ryan’s without an adult (dreams of children everywhere, I’m sure.) When I was in middle school I couldn’t wait to be in high school. When I was in high school, I couldn’t wait to be in college. When I was in college, I couldn’t wait to graduate and get married. When I got married, I couldn’t wait to finish college and start our careers. When we graduated college, I couldn’t wait for Roman to find the job of his dreams. Then I couldn’t wait for us to start our family. {{And here we still sit, but that’s okay.}} On a much smaller scale, every Monday I wish that it was Friday so it could be the weekend again.

It seems there is always that next step that I just “cannot wait” to get to. It’s a precarious way to live….this wishing my life away as I strive for the next thing. I tell myself that when I am finally a Mom, all my hopes and dreams will be met and my heart will quiet down; but I’m sure that won’t be true. I’ll wish to be done with diapers. Then I’ll wish to be done with toddler tantrums. Then I’ll wish to get past the preschool days, the eye rolling days, the teaching her how to drive days, the teenage-hormone days, and suddenly I will have wished away every last drop of my youth and my children’s’ youth. I’ll sit old and wrinkled and ask myself “where has all the time gone??” while I rock grandbabies and stare into their grey-blue eyes.

Well, it slipped quietly by as I sat in expectation of tomorrow rather than reveling in the glory of today.

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Quite frankly, I don’t want that to be the story of my life.

Over the last several weeks, I have felt this new calling in my soul. This call to sit still for a while and take notice of my every day. It was a soft whisper at first but has since grown into a large roar. Yesterday, as I spent almost two hours of my morning reading and weeping over a new blog that I had found, I thought my soul would explode over this new call.

I read of a dear woman named Kara. She blogs over at Mundane Faithfulness. Kara is dying. She has a husband and four small children, and she is slowly wasting away with terminal cancer. It started out as breast cancer, but has since metastasized and entered into her brain and blood stream. Yet this woman has more peace and trust in God than anyone I’ve ever seen. And although I don’t dare wish for the cup that she is drinking, I covet her unshakeable faith. I covet her ability to treasure every tiny moment and see God’s beauty in it.  (If you’d like to check out her blog, here’s the web address. Have tissues handy though, I’m telling ya: http://mundanefaithfulness.com/)

After thinking of Kara all day yesterday I had a sincere conversation with Roman last night. We talked about this new quest to live in today and to take better care to notice our surroundings. As Roman turned in for the night at 11 p.m., I decided there was no time like the present to put these words to action. I grabbed my Bible, journal and a book I’m re-reading and headed into the living room. I spent an hour with the Lord in reading, prayer and worship, and allowed Him to speak into my heart. After turning in for bed, I couldn’t sleep….so I wound up spending half the night praying and worshipping quietly. I called it my date night with Jesus, and it was truly the most intimate I have ever been with my Creator.

I thirst for more moments like the one I had last night with my Savior. I yearn for Him to sweep into my mundane routines and shake me to my core. To lift me off of my feet and show me what it truly means to live for Him and to treasure this one life He has given to me. I want to have that same faith that Kara has. To be able to say that no matter what comes my way, Jesus will always be enough for my soul. Not my husband or my future children or my house or the stuff I own, but only Jesus.

Honestly? I have no idea where this new call will take me and how it will affect my life. I have a feeling that it is going to throw everything into an entirely new universe. It will probably change the way Roman and I schedule our weeks. It will probably change how we spend time together. I know it will definitely change how we spend time with the Lord. It may even go so far as to change the way I write, the way I handle my social media, and the purpose of this little Internet space. I’m perfectly okay with that. I want Him to invade every space and fashion every aspect into His image and His purpose. I’ve sincerely asked Him to shake up my life, and I 100% trust that He is going to.

And I’d like to invite you to do the same. Because I don’t think this call on my soul is only meant for me. I think it’s meant for us all. Let’s stop wishing our days away and learn what it means to truly walk with the Lord. Let’s stop placing all our hope in what the future may hold, and instead rest in what He has for us today. Let’s not wait until next week, next month, or next year to start really spending intimate time with our Father.

Let’s start today. Let’s start right now. Let’s take that first step into rest in this exact moment. I’m ready for it. Are you?

This is what the Lord says—He who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: ‘Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. The wild animals honor Me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to My people, My chosen, the people I formed for Myself that they may proclaim My praise.'” -Isaiah 43:16-21

xoxo,

Sarah

 

 

 

 

 

15 Comments

  1. A beautiful post. Yes, a good friend of mine died of cancer four years ago and it was her unshakable faith that atonished me the post. To see her praise the Lord in her pain was so good to see.

    I love Psalm 46:10a Be still, and know that I am God.

    Have a wonderful weekend.

    • Yes, that is an amazing verse, Ladonna! I’m so sorry your friend passed away, but it is amazing that her testimony still impacts your life and the lives of others!

  2. Patty Woods

    Been feeling the same way, Sarah. If only my house was clean, I’d be happy. If only I lost ten more pounds, I’d be happy. If only my days weren’t so full, I could spend more time in prayer and reading the Bible. Wishing I could go back to four years ago, before my “whatever” happened and I could run, stay up all night, and feel great. Wishing ten years ago my miscarriage had never happened. Wondering why when i see others going thru the hardest of times with an unshakable peace, why can’t I? The last week or so, I too have had a quiet renewal of wanting to desire, yearn, and live in the moment with the Lord. My last few years have just been a barely getting by mode, and I have lost so much time.

    • I think part of yearning and living in the moment with the Lord includes taking all of our sorrows to Him. Perhaps it’s not so much lost time, as it is a huge opportunity to allow Him to work a miracle in your life. I think that a lot times things are not okay, and it’s okay for us to be sad about that and to take that sadness to Him. He raised Lazarus from the dead, but only after He saw the sorrow of Lazarus’ family and felt compassion for them. By showing Him our full heart, rather than trying to mask our emotions, we bravely reveal our true selves and ask Him to do the impossible. It may be an immediate resurrection, or a slow awakening, but I have full faith that He will restore us in Him!

  3. I feel the same way! It frustrates me how much I look forward to the next step, whatever that is, and then when I get there, I still don’t feel satisfied. It’s a challenge to keep reminding myself to be thankful for right now instead of looking to the future.

    • It truly is a challenge, Becca. But definitely a worthy challenge to take. It’ll be exciting to see how my perspective changes as I walk this new road. Thanks for stopping by!

  4. I felt this way for most of my life. I always wanted to be older. I felt that as a child I wasn’t taken very seriously, and I thought that adulthood would be a lot better. And actually I do like my life better now. Around the time I graduated from college 5 year ago, I’ve tried to live more in the moment. I’m a planner my nature, so sometimes living in the moment can be challenging, but I’ve definitely been happier.

    • I agree with you, I like my adult life much better! I’m glad you have found happiness in living more in the moment. I hope I’ll be able to say the same thing!

  5. Sarah! What a beautiful post! We do do a lot of waiting in this life, but the one thing we NEVER have to wait for is a closer walk with our Lord. John Piper shared this the other day and I love it! He said, “‘Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.’ James 4:7-8 Do this now.”

    I hope this call DOES change your life and all of our lives! It’s how we were created to live. :)

  6. Sarah! What a beautiful post! We do do a lot of waiting in this life, but the one thing we NEVER have to wait for is a closer walk with our Lord. John Piper shared this the other day and I love it! He said, “‘Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.’ James 4:7-8 Do this now.”

    I hope this call DOES change your life and all of our lives! It’s how we are created to live. :)

  7. Oh, Sarah. I really needed to read this. I feel like I’ve been waiting away my life, too. Especially when it comes to my career. Always looking for the next best thing. It’s kind of difficult to know if these feelings I’ve been feeling (pretty much hating my job) are real or if I’m making it up in my head. All I know is that I want this year to be over, so that I can move on to something else. There are some good things I like about it that I’m holding on to tightly, though.

    Anyways, thanks so much for this reminder to slow down. I needed to hear this!

    • I feel ya girl. I’m in a place where I’m fighting to enjoy my job as well. It’s so hard because I know I should be grateful for even having a job, but I find myself wishing for something better at the same time. Hopefully we both will find that balance and be at peace with where we are. I’m praying for you girl!

  8. […] As I thought about his family and how his life had been so short, I was reminded all over again just how precious time is. Other than God and love, I think time is the most important {and most abused} facet of our lives. […]

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