Today.

Today, at 34 weeks and 2 days pregnant, I am quitting my job.

It has been so strange and surreal these past couple months…..slowly counting down the days until today with both excitement and fear. Working hard to close out a fiscal year and start a new one while knowing that shortly after the work is done I will leave it all behind.

I have a hard time with that…..leaving things behind. Some people aren’t like that. They jump at the thought of change and adventure, ready to leap at whatever’s next. I am not that person. I thrive in habits and order and control. And sometimes I wonder what the bigger adjustment will be? Working from home or motherhood? I have worked a full-time job ever since I graduated high school. It’s all my young adult self has ever known. Though I’ve always dreamt of this day when I could finally leave the workforce to raise my children, I don’t actually know what I’m getting myself into which has caused many hours of lost sleep and self-questioning.

The Lord and I have had numerous conversations about this. Mostly me asking “Are You sure I’m not making a gigantic huge mistake with my life?” and mostly Him responding, “Even if you were I would still be there to uphold you so what is there really to fear?”

It’s funny how we say we trust in the Lord in all things and then life throws us a new curveball that makes you face the realities of your heart.

I thought I trusted the Lord….and then I walked through infertility.

I thought I trusted the Lord….and then Roman and I moved to Columbus leaving behind everything we knew.

I thought I trusted the Lord….and then I sat across from a specialist who gave us a less than 5% chance of ever getting pregnant.

I thought I trusted the Lord….and then I found out I would become a mother after all.

I thought I trusted the Lord…..and then I started my own bookkeeping business and quit my full-time job.

With each obstacle I go through I always think to myself, “See?? The Lord is so faithful! I’ll never doubt again.” But then a new corner of life appears and my heart says, “But what about this? Even in this will He be faithful?”

It’s the dark side of my humanity that I think all of us possess but few are willing to admit. This part of our hearts that has seen the Lord fulfill His promises time and time again but still doubt when a new hardball comes our way.

And so……here I go. I will dive into unemployment from my full-time job and trust in the Lord as my self-employment begins. And just a few weeks from now I will take another huge dive as this screaming miracle makes his way into our world, all blue-eyed and filled with wonder and curiosity.

I’m sure there will be many mundane moments in the days ahead. Days where I question my decision and imagine what life would be like if I had made another. Days where the little miracle acts more like a little terrorist and makes me long for my younger more energetic self. But I’m also sure that there will be far more days where the joys of motherhood simply overwhelm me. Where I look at this growing blessing and remember the path I’ve walked to get here. Where I will be so grateful that I work from home so I can enjoy every second of it and where I don’t doubt for one minute that I’ve made the right choice.

So here’s to the end of an era and the beginning of a new one……all on this simple fall Friday. Here’s to the awkward goodbyes and the cleaning out of a desk and the turning out of the lights for one last time. Here’s to driving the twenty minute ride through the country back home one last time. Here’s to letting go of all of those hard-worked files and financial records.

And here’s to the start of something brand new. A terrifyingly beautiful adventure. Where alarm clocks are replaced with a tiny human and afternoon naps become the new staff meeting. Where laundry and dinner rules the early evening instead of locking up filing cabinets and driving through country roads. Where balancing a new business with a new human becomes the hardest most wonderful endeavor I’ll ever embark on. Where a new level of trust develops between Father and daughter as she learns to trust in the Lord with all of her heart once more.

Today, at 34 weeks and 2 days pregnant, I am quitting my job.

today

 

6 Comments

  1. WOW! Yes, yes and so much yes! I am relate to everything in this post (well except the pregnant part) but trusting the Lord even in doubt. I am going through a “curveball” right now and I am wrestling with the same questions- “can I trust God through this” “What if He doesn’t come through this time” so many doubts in the midst of Trust. Leaving comfort, security of a chapter is hard. I do not like change either, but I have always kept in mind that the best part of a book is the end, and we have to go through the “chapters” in life to get there, some more easy to read than others but they are all NEEDED to complete the book. YOU my friend, have been such an inspiration to me as I have been following your pregnancy journey. I have SEEN God be so faithful to you both and I have no doubt He is carrying you through this season and will be faithful through it all. Blessings always follow obedience. Thank you for sharing your journey and encouraging me always. I can not wait to see what this next chapter brings you!

    • Jessie, thank you so much for this. I am so glad we “met” each other through the blogging community. You have been such a great encourager and prayer partner through our friendship. And I cannot WAIT to see what the Lord continues to develop through you in the seasons to come. It’s going to be such an incredible adventure!! I love you girl!!!

  2. Patty Woods

    Today you are not quitting your job, you are beginning the best job in the whole world! A stay at home mom! So few people get the chance to enjoy being at home with their kids. So glad you will be able to!

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