The time and date that I am writing this post says a lot about motherhood. I have had “write blog post for Mother’s Day” on my to-do list for the last nine days. It is now two days after Mother’s Day and 1:33 a.m.
But that’s how it goes, isn’t it? We can plan and plan but that doesn’t mean life will play along. I never would have planned to have to wait three Mother’s Days before I finally had my little baby to hold……before I finally got to join the ranks of motherhood. But even though that’s not how I would have planned it, that’s how it turned out.
Mother’s Day 2016 was so incredibly bittersweet. Mostly sweet, because how could it not be with a miracle baby to hold? But I have not forgotten the bitterness it used to hold. I still have many friends who tasted that bitterness this past weekend, and for them my heart ached.
I spent a large portion of the afternoon holding my baby boy as he slept on my chest. I took probably twenty pictures that are almost exactly the same. He had his lips puckered out and his hands curled up around his eyes. And I gave thanks. And I prayed for my friends who were struggling to give thanks on such a hard day.
It’s true what they tell you when you walk the road of infertility: becoming a mother is well worth the wait. But that’s awfully hard to hear in the moment. Because how do you even know if you will become a mother? And when in the good world will that be? And the person telling you that little nugget of truth can’t answer either of those questions. And you know they’re only trying to help but in reality they really aren’t. But of course you can’t say that without hurting their feelings so you smile and nod and pretend you aren’t shattering into a million pieces inside.
But having walked that road and come to the end of it, I can agree…….motherhood is well worth the wait. I cried many many times on Sunday as I remembered where I’ve come from and where I am now. I have a son. He laughs more than he cries and he is so very close to sleeping through the night. At five months old he is already about to start crawling and he never. sits. still. Sure, I get frustrated sometimes. Sometimes the nights are so very long and sometimes the blow-out diapers seem to happen one right after the other. The amount of laundry that I have washed in just five months has multiplied by a bajillion in comparison to the five months before it. But oh man, he is worth every bit of it. And on the days when I start to lose my patience all I have to do is remember the days of waiting and I hush up with my whining real super quick-like.
I recognize that this post won’t do much to help my friends who are still in the days of waiting. I remember those days well and I know that there isn’t much of anything I can say to make the hurting stop. But I will violate my own rule and I will tell you this: motherhood is well worth the wait. It is well worth every prayer you pray and every option you take in pursuit of it. It is well worth every doctor’s visit and hormone treatment. It is well worth every adoption fee and the mountains of paperwork. It is well worth holding onto that promise the Lord has given you even when it seems like He will not be faithful to it. However you come by that sweet future baby of yours, I can 100% guarantee you that these days of waiting will be worth it. And even more so, I can guarantee you that you will come to appreciate these hard days. I think us mothers that have suffered loss and waiting are gifted with a special gratefulness for our children.
We have the grace of knowing both sides of Mother’s Day.
My dear sweet reader friends, I want you all to know that I had an incredible first Mother’s Day. I couldn’t have asked for anything more because I already have all that I ever wanted. But to my beautiful friends who are still in the waiting, please know that I did not forget about you. I cried for you. I prayed for you. I said your names out loud and I told my son about you. And more than anything else in this whole world, I hope that next year you will celebrate your first Mother’s Day. I love you so very much.