Beautiful Irony

Let me tell you guys, 2015 has been the year of exciting stuff. I thought that 2014 was our year of exciting stuff between our move to Columbus and starting new jobs and meeting new friends and all that. But 2015 has proved to be just as exciting with even more excitement poured on top. 2016 had better be chill because my emotions just can’t right now with anything else.

Can you believe it? I’m less than three months away from my due date. Little Jackson is quite an active little boy already. Personality prediction: he will not like being swaddled or wrapped tight. He’s going to want to be able to move those arms and legs as much as possible. He’s also going to be like his momma and learn to walk before he can crawl. He will then terrorize the dog and cats for the rest of his toddlerhood years. Sometimes I look at Duke and I just go ahead and apologize to him. Poor guy doesn’t know who’s coming for him. Ha!

In truth, this is all still so surreal. I have a huge baby shower this weekend in our hometown. It’s beautifully ironic because it was around the 26th of September last year when Roman and I sat across from an infertility specialist and were told our chances of ever getting pregnant were only 5%. And if we did, the chances of that baby making it past six weeks development were even smaller. But here we are, a year later, with a miracle boy on the way and his first baby shower this weekend. I like God’s timing {and His sense of humor} the best.

And as September comes to a close I can now share with you another dream that has become reality. At the end of October, I will be quitting my government job and entering the world of self-employment/stay-at-home-motherhood!! I made everything official with my workplace last week, so I can finally share this new development with all of you. I am simultaneously thrilled and terrified and excited and nervous and some nights I stare at the ceiling for over an hour and ask God 1.74 billion times if this is the right move.

See what I mean about 2015? 2015 has brought even more change and excitement than 2014 ever dreamed of bringing. I feel all the feels every day.

Quitting a full-time government job {with all its benefits and reliability} has some people staring at us like we have lost our ever-loving minds. So why’d we do it? First, my income here would cover Jackson’s stay at a daycare and the formula we would need to buy since I couldn’t nurse him all the time. And that is all. I would literally be going to work every day just so I could pay someone else to watch my child. Which just sounds silly to me.

But honestly, stay at home motherhood has always been something that Roman and I wanted for our family from the time we first started talking about getting married. When we lived in Camilla I was the main income earner. Roman worked off of commission which was super flaky at times—definitely not something that we would want to rely on as a sole income source if I had gotten pregnant then. That’s why our move to Columbus had so much hope mixed up with it. Roman’s new job meant that he would have a steady income. It also meant that he switched to the main income earner. The job was, in every way, an answer to our prayers for our future family.

That’s why the appointment last September with the infertility specialist was such a shocker. We were settled in Columbus. Roman had started his job. We were, in our opinion, 100% ready to start a family so surely that meant God was going to give us a good diagnosis that day. But that’s why being human is so darn frustrating….we don’t see the full picture even when we think we do.

The Lord had everything lined up……a sudden raise at Roman’s job that would boost his income even higher, time for us to pay down the debts we incurred in moving to Columbus, and a future client for my new business that would allow me to still support our income. And in His perfect timing, those three things fell into place. Yes, we walked out of that specialist’s office with extremely heavy hearts. The entry I wrote in my prayer journal that night probably contains the deepest grief my heart has ever known. But we couldn’t see what was right around the corner. We couldn’t see that just one year later I would be carrying a son. We couldn’t see the massive celebration that will be happening this weekend in our hometown on the one year anniversary of our “impossible” diagnosis.

It’s a beautiful irony. And I think if we all sat down and took some time to reflect we could see some beautiful irony in each of our stories. If there is one thing that I have learned over the last two years of moving and grieving and celebrating and changing, it’s that God is always trustworthy and faithful. No matter the diagnosis or the circumstance, He always has something good in store for us. We may not know or understand how good it is until much later, but we can trust that He has our best interests in mind. One of my favorite quotes is by Margaret Feinberg: “Remain suspicious that God is up to something good.” YES.

Now I will close with some shameless self-promotion: know anyone who needs a good bookkeeper? I have a degree in accounting and I’m a certified QuickBooks Pro Advisor. I’m looking to bring on one or two more clients as I jump into full-time self-employment in just one month. (AAAH!!) I have already started working with one client and am absolutely loving it. I would be thrilled to start working with a couple more as this dream becomes my new reality. If you know anyone, leave me a comment or send me an e-mail to srcasterline@gmail.com

What are some moments in your past that seemed terrible at the time but have been redeemed by the Lord? Do you struggle with not knowing the full picture of your story? How has God been asking you to trust Him lately?

  

4 Comments

  1. Congratulations on such an exciting year! I just got married two months ago, but I am already dreaming of the day, in a few years, when the hubs will be out of college, and I can quit my job and have a baby. :-) Just recently stumbled upon your blog, and I love it!

  2. Tarynkay

    I quit my cushy government job in order to stay home with my son, too. That was almost four years ago. It probably would have made more sense financially to keep working- even if I was just breaking even- bc the years I lost in the workplace are just gone. I will really have to start over professionally.

    BUT I feel so incredibly blessed to have spent all day everyday of the first four years of my son’s life with him. I’m looking forward to getting to do this with our second son, too. It’s such a wonderful gift to get to do this. I think that you will love it!

    • That’s what I keep reminding myself. I know that no matter how hard things may get, I won’t ever regret having this time with Jackson. And who knows? Hopefully the bookkeeping biz will continue to grow and I won’t ever have to go back to the government job. :fingers crossed: 😊

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *