Happy New Year’s, friends! I’ve started 2017 off with some soul-searching and thought I’d pop in to share my thoughts with you.
I often times look at my son and expect him to serve me in some way.
Be in a good mood so we can laugh and smile.
Sleep all night so I can get some rest.
Don’t scream while I’m in the shower so I can enjoy the hot water and steam.
Everything essentially revolves around me. What I feel. What I expect. What I want him to do.
And I suppose, in a way, he could say the same thing (although he obviously couldn’t admit it at this stage of life.)
Give me that toast you’re eating because it looks yummy to me.
Feed me now. I am hungry. I do not care that you are showering because I am hungry now.
My gums hurt and all I want is for you to hold me and make me feel better. I don’t want to play by myself.
We are truly selfish beings, huh? When you look at that picture—of what I want from my son and what he wants from me—our selfishness is laid bare.
Except, the only difference to this stage of life is that my son legitimately needs me to meet his needs. I’m all he has. And he doesn’t understand when he might be inconveniencing me or doing something that makes me upset. All he knows is that he is hungry or sleepy or tired or hurting or _______ and he looks to his Mom and Dad to fix it.
So in this stage of life? I have to lay down my wants and desires. I have to be humble and extend myself to serve him. I can’t label my days as good or bad based off of what my child did or didn’t do. I can’t allow my emotions to swing in a pendulum that’s driven by a tiny 18-pound force of gravity that has no control over his own feelings or needs.
It sounds like a simple equation but obviously it is not an easy one. This consistent laying down of all that I want to do is exhausting and frustrating at times. There are moments where I catch myself envying my friends on social media when they post their cozy moments relaxing on the couch with a book and warm cup of coffee in hand. Because I have a one-year old. Those moments are not mine in this season of life. And if Roman and I have more children sometime next year, they won’t be mine for the years to come.
Yet I am acutely aware of how quickly time slips by. Jackson is a year and one month old. I feel like I’ve only blinked and suddenly 13 months have come and gone. I have followed a blogger for almost six years and today her oldest daughter turned 17. I do not even know how this is possible. Yesterday she was just a pre-teen and now she is about to graduate high school. I’m not so naïve that I think time won’t slip by just as quickly for me. I’ll look around and suddenly be teaching Jackson how to drive a car or balance a checkbook.
Friends, whatever season of life you’re in whether you have kids or not, understand that it is short. I think we forget this. We get caught up in the details of our circumstances and maybe even a little bit of envy as we watch others around us and we forget that time quickly slips through our fingers. I want to be a woman who perseveres through all seasons…..even if they are trying or sad or exhausting. I want to recognize that the season of life I’m in now is probably not the same season I’ll be in within a few short months. I want to remember to look for God’s strength and kindness and grace and face each day knowing that it is a gift.
2016 was a year of change for us. We started out the year with a three-week old baby who despised sleep and had awful reflux issues. We overcame all the little challenges that being a new parent brings. We started a small group together. We bought a house! (More on that in a later post.) I grew my at-home business. We ended the year celebrating our son’s 1st birthday.
I’ve never really given much thought to Resolutions or “Word of the Year” movements but this year I am. My word is ABIDE. 2016 was full of changes but I want 2017 to be a year where I simply abide. Where I stay engaged and present in my moments. Where I recognize that life is short and don’t wish it away.
I hope that 2017 has gotten off to a great start for all of you, my dear readers. But even if it hasn’t let me encourage you today: the seasons are short. While we don’t necessarily have to enjoy each season I think we are called to look for the Lord’s gifts of grace and goodness in the midst of them. That’s my goal for 2017 and I hope you will join me. I hope we can all look back on the year and see a shift in our perspective and way of living and be able to say “I lived in 2017.”
Happy New Year! <3